2023 Work Report: Xiao Qian Updates Xi Jin Ping on CCP Progress in Australia.
Ambassador Xiao Qian recently debriefed Xi Jin Ping on his progress in Australia. One of the spa girls in Zhong Nan Hai, present at the time, gave us the low down.
Because we respect Xiao Qian and Xi’s privacy, we have used actors in their place.
Xiao Qian feels he is popular with the media in Australia who give him plenty of access to tell China’s story well. He is the Ambassador from China, and therefore Australia’s most important person.
Xi Jin Ping is an intellectual and a billion people are fascinated by the big thoughts he has thunk. This is why the Chinese media endlessly cover his every move word and thought. He is full of good ideas.
Xiao Qian Work Report - 12 months after ALP wins election in Australia.
After being chauffered in his customised Hong Qi sedan (红旗)1 to the bowels of ZhongNanHai, (CCP HQ), he made a quick stop to empty his bowels, and plucking up his courage, proceeded to his meeting with Xi Jin Ping.
Staring forward, as motionless as wax dummies, the guards did not move a muscle or betray the fact that they were living beings. Xiao Qian paced outside the door, trying to ignore the sound of raucous laughter inside the room he was waiting to enter.
Slowly the doors opened wide, and Xi Jin Ping’s attendants greeted Xiao Qian in the customary fashion…
All of this ceremony just made Xiao Qian nervous. Apart from a little “self criticism” (自我批评2）fetish, he was at heart, envious of the highly focused court eunuchs of old, whom he earnestly strove to emulate. Sweat dripped down past his right ear. Nobody saw it, “the girls must be giggling for some other reason”, he told himself.
“About time, you boring old faggott!” belched Xi Jin Ping from an armchair in the corner of the room near the bubbling spa bath. “Come over here and tell me what’s been happening in Armenia”, he said, as he lifted his Champagne to his flaccid mouth, spilling some on his chin and wiping it with his arm.
“Thank you your highness, I mean, Comrade Core Leader” sputtered Xiao, grateful that his bowels had been emptied earlier and no longer had contents to spill.
“My time in Australia has been arduous, but we are making solid long term progress.”
“Australia - not Armenia. OK, but they are in my brilliant BRI right ?” growled Xi, his eyes following one of the scantily clad girls as she approached the spa, her cladding becoming ever more scanty.
“er, mostly yes, but there are some things to be straightened out, as soon as we reinstate the Victorian BRI3 and extend it to the whole country, it will be an even more shining example of your BRIiiiilliance sir.”
“I like you Xiao, you give me straight answers,…. not like some of the others who advise me.” “ Have they implemented the 14 point plan4 we gave them ?”
Xiao paused, and thought carefully about how to proceed……
“Well… to start with, they seemed to have learnt their place and to speak only when spoken to. The “belligerence narrative”5 has gained traction and many Australians are happy to place the blame for our problems with the former government, because while we called them “running dogs” and other nuanced descriptors, they periodically suggested some of our internal affairs were inappropriate. I refer to protecting the South China Sea from their own aggression, showing the Indians who’s boss, teaching Tibetans and Uyghurs and Hong Kong people how to think properly, and giving Taiwan a chance to surrender, before 2027, by giving them clear warnings of what will come.”
“And now ?” queried Xi.
“If they talk at all, they use euphemisms that most Australians don’t understand. The chances of building public support for actually doing anything against our activities in Australia are limited because they choose not to use freedom of speech, even at government level.” Xiao responded.
“But what about all these meetings they want ? What is that about ?” Asked Xi.
(Warming to his theme) Xiao responded, “This is one of the weaknesses of their democratic system, they have to always look like they are doing something. If they are having talks with you, or our officials, it looks like progress to the ordinary voter”
Xi: “Even if we give them only things we want, like we need their coal urgently ?”
Xiao: Precisely. We need to be food independent when we strike on Taiwan, so we need to cut barley imports now to stimulate local production up for stockfeed to prepare ahead. We don’t need lobster or imported wine at all, really.
Xi: Yes, stress testing the economy for Taiwan invasion sanctions has been successfully conducted, now is the time to re-stock. But let’s restore only what we really need, and gain political concessions while we do it.
Xiao: Political concessions: This is going broadly according to plan. A year ago PM Albanese stated there would be no meetings until trade was restored, and some noise about some citizens we arrested. Now they say talk is always good… so weak, and so despicable.
Xi: Perhaps, but it also reflects the superiority of Marxism Leninism with Chinese Characteristics and Xi Jin Ping thought for the New Era….
Xiao: I was just about to say that !
Xi: I know.
“What plans do they have to counter our monopsony group buying plan6 for iron ore ? With the economy tanking and prices likely to be weaker by market forces, soon it will be time to strike and squeeze iron ore prices down to low levels.”
Xiao: (emitting an evil laugh…) NONE ! NONE AT ALL !!!!!
Xi: (composing himself after guffawing) That reminds me, how is 林枝条 (lín zhī tiáo)，we made him rich and he has proved ever grateful, hiring our other propagandists and using covid to support our propaganda efforts.
Xiao: “Yes, Twiggy hired our friends as directors and consultants, used Covid to get media exposure at two events for our consulate reps, to the extreme embarrassment of the government, and even his ex sales rep never misses the opportunity to attack the Australian government if he gets near a reporter. We should use the group buying power to preference him and keep his support.”
Xi: “We don’t seem to have very strong business community support in Australia, what about the more general information warfare front ?”
Xiao: “Traditional media has been tiresome. Anything to do with News Corp has been a mess for us since the collapse of operation Wen Di7. The Fairfax press rarely tell our story well, and the 白左 （bái zǔo)8 Guardian are rarely helpful too. Public Opinion Management9 is chaotic10. James Laurenson11 tries hard to get in the news for us, and “Crikey” love Sun Wan Ning12, but it’s never enough, and they don’t cover the majority of the population.”
Xi: “majority ! - Alpaca !13 Xi boomed in Xiao’s ears.
Xiao (gasping in horror at the word he just heard): “Well, that is the weakness of a bourgeois democracy, but we can subvert the majority by focusing on the ivory tower elites.”
Xi: “How so?”
Xiao: “We have a very tight relationship with a pseudo - intellectual publication called “Pearls and Irritations”. They publish material by our people and by our useful clevers.”
Xi: “useful clevers ?”
Xiao: “Yes, we no longer call them useful idiots, because it was bad for morale”.
“The Menadue blog is useful because although hardly anyone reads it, some of those who do are snarky academics and disgruntled public servants, and we can shift them to our cause, or maybe its a case of giving those who support our cause, our narrative for them to blindly repeat.”
Xi: What about big business ?
Xiao: Individual capitalists must be handled with a customised format, and we are of course doing that. But we now have James Curran as international editor of the Australian Financial Review, so our story is being told ever so well, and over time, the business and finance workers will be re-educated towards our requirements.
Xi: What about the state owned media ?
Xiao: Good point. They are learning that until they tell our story well, they can’t have journalists in China. I went to the ABC’s HQ14, I told them that. So just wait, eventually our friends in government will place their friends in charge of the media, and they will hire obedient journalists and everyone will look like winners!
Xi: But only we will be the winners….
Xiao: This is our destiny.
Xi: I want more progress with the masses. What about social media ?
Xiao (looks up from his phone, distracted) “ah…, social media:
In addition to controlling almost all the Chinese news media, we control all the Chinese language social media, even censoring their prime minister, and they have done (evil laugh) NOTHING !
We control TikTok, we flood all the social media we don’t control with our version of the story, and no one does anything ! They are even having an “inquiry” into it, which will of course go nowhere. We will increase our influence with social media over time. Just let them start to accept it first. Won’t take long.”
Xi: “All this seems like it will take quite a long time, We are after all, fundamentally correcting the way they think.”
Xiao: “Indeed. That is why we need to focus on the young, and at the universities. They created some silly “Anti foreign interference” legislation. It has been a nuisance at times, but our Confucius Institutes still host staff who can work to tell our story well, like Gao Mo Bo can be presented as a serious expert !”
Xi: “But he is serious, his propaganda work is good !”15
Xiao: Sadly, in Australia, there are people who believe academic pursuit is about bourgeois concepts like establishing truth rather than serving the motherland. It’s a contradiction we are gradually correcting.
Speaking of which, The ACRI is still going strong, pumping out reports, being taken seriously and quoted in the media. Another major coup is Professor John Keane, actively telling our story well16, word by word, to anyone who will listen. He also normalised engagement with the People’s Daily, as if it was the same as talking to an independent media organisation !
Xi: “Yes, I remember Mao telling uneducated peasants that they had democracy17. Who would have thought that we would redefine democracy as dictatorship, not only to educated Chinese, but even overseas ! This guy is really "Useful” with a capital U.
Xiao: “Look there is so much to discuss, I…..
Xi: “It sounds like you are holding the line and turning them around. Should I worry about that AUKUS thingy ?”
Xiao: “We’ll fix it18. Bob’ll nobble it, whatever it takes….. Albo can say he tried, and that’ll be the end of it. If we fail this year, we’ll kill it next year. It’s only a matter of time.”
Xi: “Fine. (Xi yawns) Did you ever read “The Private Life of Chairman Mao”….”19
Xiao: “er, some parts I found more interesting than others ……” Xiao said with a cringy smirk…
Xi: “I get to write my own story ! if you know what I mean…” Ok. I’ve heard enough. Time for you to go.
Xiao: “I, er, don’t get to stay and play ?”
Xi: “Huh ? The big bear gets all the honey, off you go, ..tata !” Close the door on your way out!
And with that, two of Xi’s special security guards gesticulated in a way that told him it was really past his bed time. So he left, with love for the party and the motherland deep in his heart, wishing he had someone to make forced confessions20 to, or something like that.
Original Chinese brand of car, Red Flag / 红旗 （hóng qí) used to chauffeur the political elite.
Self Criticism (自我批评 zì wǒ pī píng) - is a CCP social control technique designed to humiliate the victims by getting them to publicly criticise themselves, usually surrounded by an aggressive group, making ridiculous accusations.
Victoria’s Belt and Road deal with China torn up: SMH 21 April, 2021
List of 14 de-democratisation acts that Australia is required to complete to have trade and low conflict relations with China. Handed by a Chinese embassy official to journalist Jonathon Kearsley. Some of the requirements, such as politicians self censoring, is now entrenched as standard behaviour, compliance with other conditions is still in process.
google “tone, China” “Chest beating, China” add words like “Kevin Rudd” or other political figures and pretty soon we get a picture that there is consensus that politicians should not say what they mean about China for fear of offending it. Offending anyone else, Trump, Biden, The US, for example, is perfectly ok.
Announced last year, China to try to buy iron ore as a single desk (one buyer). The implications for the Australian iron ore industry and the nation itself, are substantial. There is no plan or policy, beyond “talk is always good” and no “chest beating”.
Clive Palmer’s accusation may well not be true, (like much of what he says) but the Wendi Deng saga certainly started and ended weird, if we can say it has ended.
白左 bái zǔo ' - Communist derogatory term for western people who identify as politically left, but care about, rather than systematically trample, human rights. Refer “Clive Hamilton” etc.
Public Opinion Management. 新闻舆论管理 (xīnwén yúlùn guǎnlǐ) refer “The Beginners Guide to CCP Shill - Spotting”
Anything the CCP do not control (markets, feelings) are described as “chaotic”. For them, it’s a bad thing.
Refer 7 above, “The Beginners Guide to CCP Shill-Spotting”
Refer 7 above, “The Beginners Guide to CCP Shill-Spotting”
Grass Mud Horse / Alpaca - euphemism for - look it up, this story was originally supposed to be for kids (it’s ruuuude, but legal to say by common law precedent in NSW).
Seriously…, you couldn’t make this stuff up. At that meeting and in a speech to the media later that year, Xiao Qian literally told the media to report in ways that the CCP want in order to improve country to country relations. Screw the truth !
The Battle for China's Past: Mao and the Cultural Revolution. Gao attempts to undermine the work done by those who have sought to quantify and document the tragedy and waste of the Mao years. He then tries to paint the unmitigated disaster as somehow being the foundation for post Mao development, consistent with the CCP revision of history.
Tell China’s Story Well 讲好中国故事 jiǎng hǎo zhōng gúo gù shì - refers to the strategy to get CCP version of history or current events accepted and spread by media or other voices outside China to influence public opinion around the world, in ways that support CCP interests / Chinese strategy. refer 7 - Public Opinion Management, or google search the word “lying”.
Redefining Democracy: One of the more insidious propaganda strategies employed by the CCP inside China (and now outside) is the redefining of the meaning of “democracy”. This is not new, they have described themselves as a “Peoples Democratic Dictatorship” and the idea was not unique, ie the Democratic Republic of Germany, East Germany, was a USSR backed party dictatorship, and the word “democratic” in a country’s name was a giveaway the nation was merely a communist dictatorship.
It could be that in the 1920’s, illiterate peasants were hearing words like “democracy”, “socialism”, “communism” etc, and Mao wanted to give them all the words to cover all bases, and build his dictatorship.
Another way to look at it, is that while we should take offence at the butchering of the English language and misappropriation of an important word (democracy), the Chinese words 民主 mín zhǔ - normally translated as democracy, breaks down as “rule (主 zhǔ) by the people (民 mín)”. Since “The People” are defined by Communists as people who support them, and “the Enemy” are people who do not support them, then, by twisted CCP logic, the CCP dictatorship is rule by “The People”. It’s their language, they can define 民主 any way they want。But we have a duty to express our anger if they, or the enemy within, try to call dictatorship democracy, or suggest moral equivalence.
Let’s go back to the Quotations of Chairman Mao: page 93, “In the political life of our people, how should right be distinguished from wrong in ones words and actions ? On the basis of he principles of our Constitution ….”
This passage uses the word “democratic” in describing a demand for blind obedience and an obsequious acceptance of dictatorship.
If you are classed as “The People” maybe you don’t care:
So when a Chinese official says “The Chinese People enjoy Democracy”, he knows he means people who support the CCP are happy their enemies are defeated. If you don’t support the CCP, you are not a “people”.
The CCP have developed “othering” into an extreme form.
I wonder what John Keane thinks, or if he cares ? Useful….
“Rank-and-file revolt won’t affect AUKUS support: PM” AFR 15 June 2023. Except eventually it will.
“The Private Life of Chairman Mao” - Li Zhi Sui (Mao’s former private doctor). Allegedly Old Mao had a bevy of enthusiastic red guards to keep him entertained in his private quarters. Gao Mo Bo (same shill as above) and others dispute the idea that that the man who had four wives and one semi official lover was the kind of fella to also have had even more extra on the side,…. because he was so respectful of women.
CCP is big on humiliation. see Scripted and Staged - Safeguard Defenders.