Tin Ear Xiao: "TEX" Xiao Qian Talks Rubbish At the National Press Club.
Demonstrating again that China under the CCP has a deliberate strategy to be isolated and reviled, Xiao exercises his Power of Discourse at the National Press Club
In the AFR today Georgie Moore reported Xiao Qian using the following headlines. We debunk them one by one:
Polls Showing Taiwanese People Want To Keep Status Quo ‘Wrong’, Ambassador Says
Under further analysis we realised there was a subtle but important translation error. The polls do show Taiwanese people want to keep the status quo, but Tex thinks they are “wrong” (to want the status quo).
China Doesn’t Plan To Establish Military Base on Solomon Islands: Ambassador
“We’re more interested in building sports facilities, and are planning to cement our friendship by competing together in the three legged race against the Australia / New Zealand team”
Tex remarked with fingers crossed behind his back.
Ambassador Defends Chinese Actions Over Australian Military Plane Incident
We were welcoming you with a display of confetti ! It had to be made of aluminium to not get blown all over the place immediately. If your cheap-shit American made equipment can’t cope with that in the air intakes, then don’t blame us…”
Tex snorted, somewhat annoyed.
China Can’t Rule Out Using Force To Take Taiwan: Ambassador
For a moment we thought he was talking tough. Then someone from ACRI explained the nuance in the comments. Whew !
Xiao Pressed On Australian Sanctions
“Not until you learn your place !” Tex barked, in response to questions about lifting trade barriers. Australian lobster lovers sighed with relief, knowing that the one industry actually affected would still be forced to sell lobsters to the local market. Besides, once we “know our place” that just means we get to talk (ie listen) to China and barriers, and cheap lobster would still remain for quite some time to come.
China’s Military Drills Around Taiwan ‘Send a Message’ to US
We’re guessing that message wasn’t very nice, but didn’t actually say anything new.
Taiwan Visit ‘Infringes Upon China’s Sovereignty’
Tex made it clear that he wanted sovereignty, and his dummy.
‘No Intention’ Of Undermining Australia’s Relations With a Third Party: China Ambassador
“I just watched this show called, mean girls, and you know, it was so like, urgh, you know, just don’t go there.” Tex explained. The assembled crowd nodded and sympathised.
China Seeks ‘Necessary Reform’ to International Order
“In order to harmoniously create a community of shared destiny, we must first use the force” Tex explained with a giggle.
Australia, China Must Bring Relations ‘Back on Track’: Ambassador
“We will be the train, and you will be on the track, this will define our relationship,”
Tex laughed, revealing that he has a sense of humour after all.